Onward. Again.

The big furniture items – piano, couch, mattress, the cat trees – are all gone. Many of the boxes and bins and random items have vanished. Space is slowly opening up. I can see where I might put a plant or a chair or a table. Interesting.

It should all be done in a day or two, I think. It’s just bits and pieces remaining. The stuff that doesn’t require a truck and 2 people to move.

I have been eating the most intense buttercream-coated cake for the past few days, thanks to my friends Melle and Robyn, who are clearly and openly channelling Deb and her cake-related crisis management plans. This is working for me on many levels. I shared a few slices with friends and now, every time I get hungry, I just pull it out and grab a fork and go for it.

A friend who (sometimes) uses stimulants will get into this mental state where they declare that they Can See The Patterns Everywhere and while this is usually a good warning sign of impending psychosis (not a good thing) it is an interesting feature of the human brain. Look for patterns. Look for The Signs.

Much like I don’t believe in astrology until my horoscope fits nicely, I don’t believe in “signs” until they fit, either.

So, here they are:

Shortly before Coffee moved, he located my Dad’s ashes. He’s back!

My 100+ year old Christmas Cactus, inherited through my mother’s side of the family, is blooming in a way she hasn’t really bloomed before (the pattern, I mean).

There is cake in my fridge.

All signs point to “it’ll be okay”. 

I mean, it won’t be totally okay for a while, I guess. A new normal? A different normal.

A friend is going through some shit and making huge life changes and I gave them a little lecture-y monologue about change – how it’s hard even when it’s good and then it’s just hard and then it’s good again and then it shifts a bit and slowly the hard doesn’t feel like the same fucking slog and then it’s just different and there are good days and bad days no matter what you’re doing in life.

(Honestly, I was mostly talking to myself with that monologue. Affirmations are important, right?)

So this morning I lingered in bed and then I wandered upstairs and sat on the couch and watched the birds and drank coffee and then did my staff meeting (zoom) on my phone, in my jammas.  The cat yelled at me – I assured her that Coffee would feed her shortly and that she’d be moving to her new place today and thanked her for being my friend for the last near-decade. (She didn’t give half a shit about my thanks but her crankiness was vaguely mollified by the treats I sprinkled on the floor for her.)  It was a good start to my first day on my own.


3 thoughts on “Onward. Again.

    1. violet Post author

      I actually asked Coffee if he was kidding. As he mentioned later, how on EARTH would that be a thing he’d joke about. But… it seemed somehow more plausible than my Dad’s ashes showing up?


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