I have realized that, amongst the things I will miss, the biggest may simply be the shared experience of .. continuity.
I was watering my plants today, as I do every Sunday, and noticed some interesting growth and realized that I have no one with whom to share that little thing. I mean, I can post a pic here and tell you about it. I can post it on facebook and say, oh, hey, look! But for 20 years there has been someone who would understand the significance of the growth, in this case, or the relevance of nearly anything else that might come out of my mouth.
Another example: today he was over to take care of some things and help me figure some things out and to pick up a few of the items he had left previously. And I was talking about some of the birds on the feeder and realized that, soon, none of them will matter to him. Or to anyone other than me. I’m not quite sure what to do with that sort of thing.
And I can’t quite find the word that I’m looking for, but.. I see things in the house – my things, to be clear, like the little plastic thing that holds some of my makeup – and the things feel.. odd. I didn’t purchase it for him or with him, or with his opinions in mind (why would it matter to him?), or even with the idea that he might use it to store something himself. But it feels like it’s not quite mine. Like it has kind of lost some meaning? Or.. something? I don’t know how to articulate the feeling but it keeps popping up with a lot of things that shouldn’t be impacted at all by his departure.
Strange. It’s all so strange.