Category Archives: long thoughts


Published / by violet / 3 Comments on Week.

I’m coming up on the end of a week off from work – a much needed week off from work – and while I can’t say that I’m enthused about the idea of returning to the office quite yet, I can say that I feel much better now than I did at the start of this time off.

I was determined to accomplish a bunch of things this week – and, for the most part, I did all of it. There are still a few thing on the list that I hope to finish up today and/or this weekend.

Mostly, I just wanted some empty-minded time to myself.  Alone. A bit of interaction with other humans but mostly just being lost in my thoughts and whims and getting things done that I needed/wanted to do.

I went for some long walks. I hung out in nature. I spent a day in Toronto. I spent another day in Hamilton. I went to the beach. I bought myself coffee a few times. I finished a bunch of books. Got some tattoo work done. Visited my piercing guy to get a ring put back in and some ideas for what’s next.

I slept late. I slept like a mutherfucking rock pretty much every night.

I have absolutely avoided my work email (which is impressive because I am not known for being able to avoid that) and my work texts and my work voice mail.  I’ve heard bits and pieces of work-related things, of course, but nothing that required me to put any thought into it. I know that the people around me could handle it in some way or another and, even if I would have done it differently, it doesn’t fucking matter because I was on vacation. Swooooooooon.

Coffee put new speakers on my computer so I can host raves in my bedroom (so! much! bass!). I made some jam. Gonna’ make some Cowgirl Candy and grape pie this weekend.

I didn’t clean up any part of my house beyond the absolute basics requirements (so, um, a few things are a little bit gross at the moment). I did laundry only so I had something to wear all week. I bought some new clothes for myself.

Coffee got a new car, so we went out for a little dinner date to celebrate (and so I could ride in his new car and appreciate the new car smell).

I hung out with the cats and the dog a bit. I saw a few friends for long enough to feel connected but not long enough to feel obligated. I said ‘no’ a bunch. I ate Roma Pizza and some Beach Road kielbasa.

I didn’t post to Facebook at all (other than things that auto-post, like my goodreads updates) and I barely read anything there. I posted lots of pictures to instagram. I ate ice cream.

And I figured some shit out.. which was on my list of things I wanted to do with this week.  I just needed the mental and physical space away from all my obligations in order to be able to actually think. To listen to my inner voice. Etc. Whatever.

It’s been a good week.

Title Here?

Published / by violet / 3 Comments on Title Here?

Coffee has started the process of closing the pool, I’ve started weeding through my summer/winter clothing stashes, the pets are all shedding like mutherfuckers.. it’s getting really close to autumn.

I have no idea where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing since the last time I updated. Just.. life?

This morning the kids went back to school – the middle one is in his last year of high school and the youngest one is just starting grade 9.  It occurred to me a few days ago (or re-occurred, I guess) that in about 5 years, give or take, it will be possible for all of the kids to be out of the house and living independently.

The middle kid is still (from what I can tell) figuring out what he’d like to do after high school – he has expressed zero interest in college or university (in part, I suspect, because we told him he’d have to pay for part of it) . There are many other plans thrown about, however, and I’m curious to see where he lands, even if it’s a temporary landing while he figures things out further. He’ll be 18 in 5 months which is, of course, a whole other milestone.

To celebrate the kids’ return to school, I spent some time cleaning – washing the floors in the kitchen and hallway, scrubbing the bathroom upstairs, doing some pet laundry (blankets, towels, bedding, etc.), dusting various surfaces, decluttering others..  I quite enjoy the process of scrubbing away some of the summer grime. It’s nice to get the house smelling fresh and clean (and less like dog, cat, and stank feet).  A fresh start, I suppose, for the “new year”.

Spring cleaning is good – this feels much better.

Of course the problem with cleaning is that, the more you do the more you realize needs to be done.

For example, as I scrubbed floors today, I realized that someone needs to wash pretty much all the walls in this house, because they’re all covered in greasy dog spots (he likes to lean against the wall and slide down into his favourite sleeping positions), weird cat blurps (one cat often has porphyrin and sneezes a lot), and there are many, many hand prints at heights that would indicate they’re not caused by me (the shortest in the house), along with random scuffs and marks that look awful.

Dear children and pets: you’re all totally disgusting.

When I said “someone” needs to wash the walls, I meant someone other than me, btw.



And that’s it. That’s all I’ve got for the moment. I mean, there’s plenty of other stuff in my head, but this is my ‘hello, still alive!’ post for the time being. I have a bunch of chocolate covered almonds to eat before the kids get home.

Long Weekend.

Published / by violet / Leave a Comment

All told, it was a good long weekend. Coffee and I both had Friday off from work which meant we ran a few errands together and bought far more snacks at Costco than anyone would consider reasonable.

I’ve started organizing the kitchen – slowly but surely – which is just absolutely the weirdest thing. I am having to do it in small, slow bits, because otherwise I get completely and utterly overwhelmed. Like, panicky-overwhelmed. There’s absolutely no reason for that level of freaking out, all things considered, but I had to take multiple breaks and walk away and distract myself. I am hoping (nearly) everything will be in place by the end of this week.

There are still things that need to be finished in the kitchen – Coffee is working steadily on trim, the TV/audio needs to be installed, and the kickplates need to go on to the cabinets. I’m sure there are other things, too, but that’s what I’ve got off the top of my head.

I am beginning to start thinking about cooking again – baking Coffee his promised cake, of course, but also all the various things I’ll be able to cook in my instant pots.  I bought some salads at Costco which, COME ON, if you know me you know that salads and lunch are two of my all-time favourite things. The fact that I’ll be able to eat salads on a regular basis is just fucking amazingly good news.  And it’s goddamned salad SEASON right now, which makes it even better.

Similarly, smoothies. My blender will soon be relocating upstairs to the kitchen and I’ll be able to toss all my various ingredients in and go back to drinking my breakfasts out of enormous glass mason jars.  (I suspect my body is going to need some time to adjust to chia seeds and fibre and all that good stuff, again, but that’s fine.)

So close! So clooooooooooose!

(I legit just started to feel overwhelmed again. Deep breaths.)

I went for a few bike rides this weekend and very much enjoyed wobbling around some of the light trails near home. Plenty of goslings, not too many people wandering about, and lots of fresh air. I still dread the ride home – up hill, no matter how I approach it – so am having to carefully ration my energy.

I’ve been a bit too cautious, maybe, in that I come home and drink some water and shower.. and then think maybe I should have ridden longer because I don’t feel “done”. I guess that’s better than having to call Coffee from the other side of the city and beg him to come and get me? Either way, fun. So much fun.

I had a bunch of things scheduled for tomorrow at work and, on checking my messages today, discovered they’re cancelled. I’m working from home, probably in my jammas, with the music turned up. Plenty of emails with which to contend, plenty of work stuff to do, but I’ll ease into the week. And maybe even go for a nice lunch time bike ride if the weather cooperates.

I fucking love spring.


Published / by violet / 2 Comments on Sunshine.

Perhaps you have come here looking for my thoughts, or my feelings, about mother’s day?  You will be sadly disappointed – I have nothing new to say. It is still a complicated day that I really wish would stop showing up every year because, ultimately, it just feels like a lot of pressure on all sides.

Let’s move on.

Michelle asked if I was working on ‘spontaneity’ in place of (or alongside?) ‘boundaries’ and my answer is pretty much: no.  I mean, I’m not averse to shaking things up in my life – ON MY OWN TERMS, WITH NO INTERFERENCE FROM ANYONE TRYING TO BE SPONTANEOUS – but I am also really quite comfortable with my routines and my habits. They keep me in line. They keep my life from melting down.

I rather enjoy a certain degree of predictability. I am also okay with doing something spontaneously if I feel the urge.

Rather un-spontaneously, earlier today I went out shopping for drawer liners which, I gotta’ say, is about as exciting as you’d imagine it to be. We’re looking for some easy-to-clean liners for the new kitchen drawers in order to keep things from getting scuffed up and stained for as long as possible.  Ideally inexpensive and durable.

The only kind of drawer liners that I could find at the store were scented – lavender or cucumber – and, even though I knew I could just shout, “LOOK, SPONTANEITY!” I also knew that I didn’t want to line the kitchen drawers with anything scented.  (Yes, these were meant for clothing drawers and not kitchens. The store had nothing for kitchens.)

When I left the store, empty-handed, I realized that it was really windy – which would not be even a tiny bit conducive to the bike ride I had hoped to take. I had already mentally allocated about 45 minutes of my afternoon to that ride, however, so instead of heading home I decided to take a little walk over at a local park.

The key thing about this park is that it has a gigantic hill – ridiculously large when compared to anything else in the city. I figured if I hiked up the side of it, then wandered around a bit, I could kill at least 20 minutes (or maybe 3 hours, gasping on the side of the hill).

The hike up wasn’t as terrible as I expected – I mean, it’s a damned steep hill and I wasn’t on a path. But even with a bit of photo-taking at the top, a brief conversation with a dog (and her owner), and some time spent watching birds dive-bombing each other, I was back to my car about 35 minutes later.

And it was a lovely little break with some sunshine and fresh air.

And Coffee called it “spontaneous”.

And I swear, I’ll be done cracking jokes about spontaneity soon. Probably.