— Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life that you could save.
I missed yesterday. I was positive that I had written something yesterday but.. maybe just in my head? (That sort of implies that I had some deep thoughts yesterday but no, no, I did not.)
The middle kid is moving out today. Well. He hasn’t been home in a few days and his instagram shows the back of his truck full of his friend’s belongings, so I assume he’ll show up here at some point to load up his own stuff.
I am curious just how often I’ll hear from him once he’s fully out of the nest. If he decides to emulate his older brother, the answer is “not at all” but.. I guess we’ll see. At the very least, I imagine we’ll hear from him occasionally for practical things and perhaps he’ll stop by for Solstice and dinner on his birthday. Free food and gifts are pretty much universally appealing.
In the meantime, I am doing laundry. In a few minutes I’ll start attempting to sort through my ‘seasonal clothing’ to see if I’m missing anything I need for the cold months. I may get super inspired and sort through my makeup – yesterday I washed my brushes and 7 (generic) beauty blenders. It’s worth noting that I don’t wear foundation more than a few times per year, so I have no business owning 7 beauty blenders, generic or otherwise. At least the makeup brushes make sense – I wear eyeliner pretty much every day… and should probably clean them a lot more frequently. Gah.
I have a series of grow lights in my room – for my succulents, violets, and other assorted plants (not weed). They’re on a timer and, when they turn on, it’s like the centre of the sun here – – but purple. The time changed last night (stupid daylight savings time) but I did not change the timer for the lights and.. so I woke up early this morning. I’d like to say that I remained productive after that woke me up but, no, no I did not. It’s 11:45 and I’m sitting here in my jammas.
I’m hungry. Someone needs to make me some microwaved mini pizzas (me. The person is me.)
I’ve recently developed an affection for Depeche Mode having spent 30 years thinking of them as being overrated. Even some of the newer stuff is quite good.
I ordered legal weed 18 days ago and it hasn’t shipped yet. Good job government. Good job.
This may count as yesterday’s entry or today’s… we’ll see what happens later today.
John Perry Barlow created this list when he was 30 (in 1977) – I first read about them here. Some decent food for thought. Also, it would appear that I have some work to do…
- Be patient. No matter what.
- Don’t badmouth: Assign responsibility, not blame. Say nothing of another you wouldn’t say to him.
- Never assume the motives of others are, to them, less noble than yours are to you.
- Expand your sense of the possible.
- Don’t trouble yourself with matters you truly cannot change.
- Expect no more of anyone than you can deliver yourself.
- Tolerate ambiguity.
- Laugh at yourself frequently.
- Concern yourself with what is right rather than who is right.
- Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong.
- Give up blood sports.
- Remember that your life belongs to others as well. Don’t risk it frivolously.
- Never lie to anyone for any reason. (Lies of omission are sometimes exempt.)
- Learn the needs of those around you and respect them.
- Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that.
- Reduce your use of the first personal pronoun.
- Praise at least as often as you disparage.
- Admit your errors freely and soon.
- Become less suspicious of joy.
- Understand humility.
- Remember that love forgives everything.
- Foster dignity.
- Live memorably.
- Love yourself.