The Journey.

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The Journey
— Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life that you could save.

Right-o.

Published / by violet / 4 Comments on Right-o.

I missed yesterday. I was positive that I had written something yesterday but.. maybe just in my head? (That sort of implies that I had some deep thoughts yesterday but no, no, I did not.)

The middle kid is moving out today. Well. He hasn’t been home in a few days and his instagram shows the back of his truck full of his friend’s belongings, so I assume he’ll show up here at some point to load up his own stuff.

I am curious just how often I’ll hear from him once he’s fully out of the nest. If he decides to emulate his older brother, the answer is “not at all” but.. I guess we’ll see. At the very least, I imagine we’ll hear from him occasionally for practical things and perhaps he’ll stop by for Solstice and dinner on his birthday. Free food and gifts are pretty much universally appealing.

In the meantime, I am doing laundry. In a few minutes I’ll start attempting to sort through my ‘seasonal clothing’ to see if I’m missing anything I need for the cold months. I may get super inspired and sort through my makeup – yesterday I washed my brushes and 7 (generic) beauty blenders. It’s worth noting that I don’t wear foundation more than a few times per year, so I have no business owning 7 beauty blenders, generic or otherwise. At least the makeup brushes make sense – I wear eyeliner pretty much every day… and should probably clean them a lot more frequently. Gah.

I have a series of grow lights in my room – for my succulents, violets, and other assorted plants (not weed). They’re on a timer and, when they turn on, it’s like the centre of the sun here – – but purple. The time changed last night (stupid daylight savings time) but I did not change the timer for the lights and.. so I woke up early this morning.  I’d like to say that I remained productive after that woke me up but, no, no I did not. It’s 11:45 and I’m sitting here in my jammas.

I’m hungry. Someone needs to make me some microwaved mini pizzas (me. The person is me.)

I’ve recently developed an affection for Depeche Mode having spent 30 years thinking of them as being overrated. Even some of the newer stuff is quite good.

I ordered legal weed 18 days ago and it hasn’t shipped yet. Good job government. Good job.

This may count as yesterday’s entry or today’s… we’ll see what happens later today.

Not Waving But Drowning

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Not Waving but Drowning
– Stevie Smith
 
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.
 
Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.
 
Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

NaBloPoMo Can Blow Me.

Published / by violet / 4 Comments on NaBloPoMo Can Blow Me.

Oh good, it’s day 2 and I’ve got.. nothing. Unless I’m literally just going to recount my day, like a true diary from whenever it was that people kept actual diaries? No, no I am not.

Some random things:

Today Coffee and I went together to deliver something to a client. On arriving, the client came out to meet us and started talking, sort of upset, about being threatened by someone with a non-traditional weapon. There were verbal threats made. In the past, this would likely have upset me – like, should I take this person with me? Call police? Call someone else? – but my response in this instance was, “Oh, man, that’s shitty..” followed by doing exactly what I was doing before that. My clients’ lives have a lot of shitty things in them and I have learned that things change fast – so, honestly, unless I saw the person show up with the non-traditional weapon in hand, I was fine. I am sure that now, a few hours later, everything is fine there, too.

I am constantly being reminded that the people I really like are generally viewed as being scary, terrible people. And in some cases, they are legitimately kind of.. terrible people. But most of them are truly lovely and kind people going through shitty things (see above) and even the terrible people have positive qualities that I can find quite easily. People do whatever they need to do to survive – I can’t judge if I’ve never been in their shoes.

(Obviously, I believe in, and practice, unconditional positive regard when I am working.)

Every time I drive Louise somewhere, it seems, I end up in conversation with a random stranger. Usually it’s some guy yelling about how beautiful she is – which seems, lately, to end with that stranger lying on the ground trying to look at her underbelly. I don’t know why, but it’s what dudes do apparently. I am charmed by this. She is just the best fucking thing since sliced bread.

I am dreading winter.

Baking season is nice, though. Pretty glad that’s happening now.

I am desperately behind on my Goodreads goal of 100 books – I gotta’ buckle down and stop falling asleep while reading.

I’m done here.

Why Not?

Published / by violet / 2 Comments on Why Not?

Mayhaps I shall attempt NaBloPoMo this year. (This is a good start, right? The fact that I wrote something?)  Let’s all stay optimistic about it getting a little more profound as the month goes on. Weed is legal in Canada now, which has always been a nice way for me to get inspired to write, so there’s at least some possibility I can sustain this for a month solid.

What’s new.. what’s new.. The Middle Kid is moving out to an apartment (shared with a coworker) in exactly 3 days. We kindly paid his first-and-last for him, he’s taking some old furniture with him, and we’ll see how all of this goes.  I imagine he’ll have the same adjustment everyone does when they move out – as much as he’s been independent in a lot of ways, there’s still a learning curve when every detail is suddenly your full responsibility.

Related, Coffee and I have been arguing over what will happen with the (soon to be) vacant room in our house – he says something about an ‘exercise room’ and I think it would be more fun to either move all of my friends in (bunk beds!) or just hand it over to clients (also bunk beds!).  I suspect he’s going to win this since, y’know, boundaries or whatever. I have a few clients who I’m sure wouldn’t mind sleeping next to an exercise bike and/or rowing machine or whatever the hell is going into that room, though, so I may have to force a compromise…

On that note, work has been interesting – in the curse sense – for the past bit. There are some delightful glimmers of good stuff amidst the full-on shit-show.. but none of it (good or bad) is suitable for writing about here.  I suppose, if nothing else, it’s a good opportunity to reevaluate a lot of things.

Louise has her snow shoes on and goes in, tomorrow, for her oil spray. That’s pretty much as prepared as I can get for winter’s arrival – although my snow brush is missing somewhere, I think, so I should at least dig that out (or buy a new one) in the next day or two.

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got here.  If you have some inspirational topics for me, let me know… 30 days is a lot.